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I feel carried by the universe. I know this can sound a bit strange, but it is a kind of flow I feel since october/november 2025.

The moment the managing couple and I had a talk about how things were going, things changed in a few hours. In the morning I had a talk with her about my feeling that I sensed that I would leave within a year. She told me she had the same feeling. And we both sensed that it would be around april ’26.
I always am suprised how incredible intuitive she can be.

She said:”Be careful, because now you have set the wheels in motion, it can go very fast.” And it did Gandalf, it did. (unjust and free translation out of Lord of the Rings, deel 3 :-).

A few hours later I had a chat with him. We shared a lot of personal stuff. Which made me realise even more how sensitive he is. And…I very well know he will read this somehow, but nonetheless I am gonna say it…I love this man. (Her too by the way, before she thinks otherwise).

We talked about that I had to turn over a lot of things to a collegue. And to be honest, I was for long worried how and who could take over my work (I know it sounds a bit arrogant, but there are a lot of jobs there where I do not have the right character or skills for…e.g. helpdesk, sitting behind a computer for hours a.s.o.)

But I very soon discovered that this collegue was perfect fitted for this. And may be even better!

So I felt relieved and supported, that the work was in safe hands. The company would not have any problem if I left.

And my chalet, my cabin in the woods, I felt I would sell it. I could feel it then. Suddenly two close friends offered their help to do some odd jobs in my chalet. I did not look forward to these small jobs…and that is an understatment. But with their help, it was fun and easy.

I felt supported.

I could stay in the place of a good friend, which made our friendship stronger. Which is the case with every friendship in this period by the way. I could stay at multiple places. I had chats with those friends and we just all came closer.

I felt carried by more friends than I realised I had. It made me thankful.

I spoke with my family, brothers and sister. And overall they just had the opinion that I must do what made me happy. And if that was quitting work, selling my chalet and leave the country for a while. Than that was oke. They just wanted me to be happy. And truth to be told, I was getting slowly more and more unhappy with my current situation.

But I was supported by them.

When I told my landowner I wanted to sell my place, I feared that it would take time, even months before I would get a good price. And the additional work I had to do still. But this landowner wanted to buy my chalet. Not for the upper limit price, but enough for me to bite. Because he told me that he would take it for a certain price AS IS. No additional things and costs. Even when I asked if he could pa a certain amount in advance, which is unusual in these cases, he just agreed.

Grattitude I felt again.

Then the managing couple told me that they wanted me stop working at the very beginning of march. The first moment I thought:”What the fuck happens now?” But after a moment I realised that it would give me the complete month of march to do a lot of things I needed time for. Taxes, dentist, friends, shifting through my things again.

What a gift again! Thanks!

And the black cat named Chupi. Who came sometimes running in the dark to me, when she heared my car parking. I lifted her up and carried her to the frontdoor. I am again incredible thankful for her presence.

I am blessed.

And so many small things happened that I might have forgotten now when I write this down. But the whole time I felt like the above mentioned Tarot card. Which I got from another collegue who had the perfect visualision for how I felt. And do I need to say that in that company work a lot of people who live in my heart, who I love. Yes, sometimes it needs to be said. Guys, I love you all, each in his or her own way.

Oooh, aaah, I almost forgot the “Passport Affair” (Previous blog item). Which swept the ground beneath my feet. All this flow, leading to something, and now a stupid mistake of me, where I was so focused on just NOT to let THAT happen. And then it DID happen. That was a moment of serious panic and doubt. But wonder of wonder. THAT was a true miracle to me, a sign that I am carried.

But back to the Tarot card:
And that is how I felt…left everything behind, because the glass bridge would not hold with all that stuff. I just had to walk over this almost unseen transparent bridge, trusting that I would be carried by something far greater and more intelligent (Well, that is not that hard to do ;-)) as I am.

I feel carried, blessed and I am grateful for that.

The last weeks I left my passport on the same place. Because this was the one thing I should not forget or get lost in any way.

Then on the day of my departure (april 8th) I thought it would be wise to put it in the sleeve of my laptop. Because my laptop had almost the same status. I also had an online meeting early in the afternoon. So I cleaned the house were I had been the last month.

I went outside in the sun and did my meeting there. When meeting was over I would pack up the last things including my laptop in the sleeve and passport in the sidesleeve of it.

There I was walking to my car in Hulshorst with my laptop in my hands. Put al the things in my car …at least that was what I thought…
I drove then to a very close friend in Haarlem where I would stay the night and leave in the morning for Schiphol. Arrived in Haarlem, made some jokes to my friend and the I wantend to pick up my laptop to show him some emergency things in case there would happen something to me.

So I picked up….euh…where was it? It didn’t bring it inside this appartment. So I must have left it in the car. But I could not remember seeing it there when I got out of the car. A little panic started. But it would be there. Turned the car almost upside down…it wasn’t there!!!

Then the panic started to feel stronger. But I still have my passpor…SHIT, NO, I left it in the sidesleeve.
OH MY GOD!!
I realised in a few seconds what that would mean.

• No travelling to curacao
• Losing the money
• Staying here and find another place to sleep
• Buying a new passport
• Buying a new laptop
• Losing all data from the laptop…oke, I had a backup
• Last but not least…my inner process would have an enormous delay

My heart raced and beated very heavy. As if a freighttrain was running over it.

I must have left it outside on the table…but I remember it carrying it to my car.
The panic was huge. Inside me the words:”I don’t know, I really don’t know what to do” were louder then I ever heard in me.
But in the “I don’t know” I called the landowner of the place in Hulshorst. He luckily answered the phone. Albeit he had only 1% battery left. He was not at the land he owned. But in his clever mind he said he could make me member of the app group of his land. Then his battery died.
But in the last moments of his battery he made me member of the app group.

In the app group, I placed a text-call. If there was someone there who could take a look at the place where I did the meeting. Rather fast a woman named Esther reacted and said she’d take a look.

Those 10 minutes were absolutely horrifying for me. My heart…my mind…I don’t know! My friend urged me to step in his car, so he would drive me back to Hulshorst. I did, I can not vow that if I had to drive, it would be oke…I did not trust myself to drive…and then my stress must be really high.

In the car I called Esther. She was there and saw nothing that looked like a laptop. My panic went even higher. But in her brightness she asked me if I did drive to the left or right when leaving this off-road country road. I almost lost all my hope. I said to the right.
She then said she would walk this off-road until she came to the asfalt road.

After 10 minutes, and again horrifying stressful minutes…PING. An app from her…with a photo. On it a black and white photo of the sleeve of my laptop. With a mobile number.

Sitting in the car, next to my friend. I crashed, I cried, tears from release, and gratitude. I called the number, he answered. Gave his address and we drove to it.
Esther: you saved my day, and more than that!

To recapture: I had left the sleeve with laptop and passport in it on the roof of my car. It drove with me for 300 meters and slipped of the roof on the country road. The finder was walking there with his dog, picked it up, went home, took a picture, printed it out, did it in a plastic sleeve and pinned it on a tree.

I doubt if I would have found it, because when again back in Hulshorst it was already dark. And would I have had the idea to search the road? Would I have seen the print in the dark in my stress? I really doubt.

I had my laptop back and my passport, we drove back.

Gratitude towards Esther, my friend who drove me, to the landowner, to the honest finder.

And to the universe who showed me a miracle.

This was how it looked like, the last day I was here. Not neat, but I did not have to according to the new owner. So I went easily along with his terms.

From the outside 2 photo’s from the place where I lived for more then 14 years with pleasure and in freedom. But it seems that I am not allowed to live a simple life. That I am obliged to pay a rent of 1000 euro’s or more.

Well then: then I do not play along anymore with this system…
This is the last time

That I will show you my face.
You (overheid van nl) can tread your uglyness under the carpet or hide it under the bed.
But for me: this was the last time…

I will live in freedom, and that is to my own rules, and those live in my heart. And I stand by it.

This is the last time
That I will say these words
I remember the first time
The first of many lies
Sweep it into the corner
Or hide it under the bed
Say these things that go away
But they never do
Something I wasn’t sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I’ve seen too little of
The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything right
You fall on me for anything you like
And I, no, I don’t mind
This is the last time
That I will show my face
One last tender lie and
Then I’m out of this place
Tread it into the carpet
Or hide it under the stairs
You say that some things never die
Well, I tried, and I tried
Something I wasn’t sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I’ve seen too little of
The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything right
You fall on me for anything you like
And I, no, I don’t mind
The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything right
You fall on me for anything you like
And I, no, I don’t mind