Really, this is unbelievable… what I feel now, after all these terrible losses over the last two months. I feel a warm sun in my heart—one I would not trade for the best job, the best house, the love of my life, or all the money in the world. I wouldn’t trade it even for all of them at once.
It is a joy in my heart; a sun, a warmth that feels like who I truly am. It needs nothing. It only needs its Self. It is happy for no reason. It is peace and joy for nothing at all.
This warmth could only fill my heart after I had lost my house, my job, and my love. In that emptiness, I felt something enter me. Or better said: it always was there, but there was something clouding it.
I remembered the voice of my master saying: “Rijn, you will see me again.” And: “You can be very happy, but you will have to fight for it.” And: “You almost made it in your previous life, but you did not finish it; you are here now to finish it.” So many things pointed toward this existential change within me.
The Sun (Self) behind the clouds (our thoughts)
I lost everything, but I won my Self!
It is as if who I am lives within the joy in my heart and observes the emotions and the thoughts. Clearly, I am not my body, nor my emotions, nor my thoughts. I am the one who is watching them.
Radical honesty and intense pain brought me here, alongside my trust in my master, who said: “I will bring you all home.” He kept his promise. I had to do a great deal of shadow work—to be radical, ego-killing, and painfully honest.
The joy, the peace, the happiness.
The warning here is that my ego will try to take over again. But I, my Self, and my master will prevent that from happening. Then again… who is the “I” that will prevent it? Hahaha.
Now, I wait in silence, joy, and peace for the direction in which I will be sent. I surrender.