Yes, I admit, I carry a secret within me. I hesitate to speak about it because it will almost certainly be misunderstood; nonetheless, I think I will have to bear the ache of not being understood.
Kundalini. In the old days, the old adage was to say nothing about it. Because if you do, people will do strange things to wake up “their” Kundalini. I disagree; the West needs us to talk about it—to explain what it is and why it can be dangerous or even deadly.
Kundalini must be treated with the highest respect. If she is encountered with ego, she (yes, I call her SHE, because she is Shakti, the divine feminine)… she will… well, she is out to destroy your ego. And by destroy, I mean utterly defeat and annihilate it. Your ego cannot stand it. It is your ego against God, and you… will… lose!
There is only one thing that you can do, and that is surrender. Surrender to this life force. Every resistance will cause pain. No doubt.
I received Shaktipat from my master. Yes, from my master who wasn’t even in a physical body at the moment he did that. This is the purest way to awaken the Kundalini, because the master sees that you are ready for it. And He is always there to correct you. He keeps an eye on you, even if He is “dead.”
Doing yoga physical exercises or breathwork to awaken Kundalini can force her to awaken. And that will cost you. It will cost you pain—physical, emotional, and mental. It can make you perfectly suited for a mental hospital. Just don’t do it; you are where you are, and you are perfect the way you are now.
And even if Kundalini, in my case, was awakened by a clairvoyant master, it is still painful. I lost my greatest love, I lost an unborn child, I lost a house where I loved to live, I lost a job that suited me very well. I am alone. I am standing alone, trusting only in the Divine. Trusting the process of Her: Shakti, Kundalini.
I am left alone with Her, with only my own soul, my own heart.
But the people around me who love me—don’t they make you feel less alone? No. I am sorry, NO. I love them, but there is something deeper. A deeper emptiness. An emptiness only my own soul or God can fulfill.
Do I sound crazy? That’s what I mean by misunderstood. It doesn’t matter; I don’t need understanding anymore. I am standing in my own being, and this one understands me perfectly and guides me.
Om Shanti